Monthly Archives: February 2013

The JACKASS boyfriend few girls wish for !!! <3

Tag as many people as you want… Everyone should read this !

I don’t care if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend right now. Myabe you’re ugly and you will never have one!

I don’t care if you are a guy or a woman or Michael Jackson.

Just read this, it will make a difference.
If only everyone could see this and understand it.

Remember this boys:

When she’s quiet, ignore her and go on talking that way she wont interrupt you.

When she stares at your mouth, 
You have something in your teeth. Don’t kiss her cos then it will get stuck in her teeth.

When she pushes you or hits you like a dumb-ass it’s because she thinks she’s stronger than you,
But if she has muscles and if you actually get hurt don’t cry.

When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tough
Tell her she has herpes and then run away.

When she ignores you, give your attention to much more important things like videogames.

When she pulls away, she may have to go pee so don’t pull her back. It will be ackward.

When you see her at her worst,tell her she’s beautiful. Except when her parents pass away.

Girl Crying 
Boy:Dude im sorry that your parents died. You look hot today! Want to copulate while they light the pyre?

When you see her start crying, make her meet your gay friend. Let him console her while you drink outside. 

When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind. But she the pressure you apply may lead her to fart.

When she’s scared, protect her,unless your life is risked. Then you should run away.

When she steals your favorite hoodie, let her keep it so then in return she can sleep with you for a night.

When she teases you, tease her back and maybe if you feel like it tease her front also!

When she doesn’t answer for a long time she may be dead.

When she looks at you with doubt she may be retarded or confused. You choose.

When she says that she loves you, you can say I do to just so you get a little action.

When she grabs at your hands, that means she may not have washed after going to the bathroom and maybe wiping her hands on yours. Use sanitizer.

When it looks like she is about to bump into you,move away and laugh when she falls down.

When she tells you a secret, don’t tell anyone. Just mail it to all your friends on facebook!

When she looks at you in your eyes, stare till your eyes start burning.Unless she has conjunctivitis then you wear sunglasses.

She will never repost this bulletin. Nobody will.When she reposts this bulletin,she wants you to read it.

– Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything.That is if she has called you cos incoming is free! ☺

– When she’s mad take her to visit a psychiatrist.

– Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you need a treat.

– When she’s sick give her sleeping tablets so she doesn’t not keep you awake.

– Give her the world. If you cannot afford it then if you give her a bottle filled with sand from Chowpatty then that will also do.

– Let her wear no clothes.

– Let her know she’s important as long as she calls you everytime and pays for your dates!!!

– When she runs away crying, the first thing you say is:
“Sorry I did not mean to say that to you”

All in all. Make her love you for who you are and make sure that she makes you a sandwich on a daily basis.

PS: I am single on Valentine’s day. I will carry a packet of bread if you’re interested. *coughs*

This is a digital representation of how I look. Honestly. Ok. I’m joking. It’s a much longer that that.


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A Cold Shoulder To Cry On

Valentine’s Day is coming up. In search for a romantic encounter I scouted the city to find someone who was willing to go on a date with me. The unfortunate thing is that love is like finding the television remote. The harder you try to find it, the more frustrating it gets and eventually you end up using your hands.

However I visited an electronic store recently and that is where I saw her. Standing there majestically while other people slowly passed by her she had an aura of cool about her. She was tall. Quite tall and quite well built.

I slowly walked up to her and managed to muster up the courage to strike a conversation. Despite my feeble attempts to initiate small talk she refused to talk to me. I tried my best to ask her questions but I was just continuously ignored.

I went away and observed her from far. She kept on standing in the same place.

I could see that she loved vegetables and not only that she had a good rack. I approached her once again and moved around her a little, trying to catch a glimpse of her back.

Having enough of this silence I walked in front of her and decided to stand there until she spoke to me. My eyes meandered and I found a spot on her body, which I could focus upon. I just stared and stared at her rack. It was so big and beautiful. I knew that this time it was only and nothing would ruin the moment.

Suddenly I heard a shout. “Excuse me…but my ice… are up here”.

That’s when the salesman came over and opened the freezer of the fridge in front of me.  As he took his tray out I contemplated buying the fridge. She was quite spacious and she would easily store the ice cream, which I will be eating on Valentine’s Day, while I cry in front of my television set watching romantic movies because I won’t be able find the remote to change the channel.

I believe that the only reason she never spoke was because she was Fridgid.


Filed under Punny Stories