Monthly Archives: March 2013

Every Girl’s Dream

So I saw this small little word piece floating around on Facebook talking about every girl’s dream.

It had some of the most bullshit and fake lovey dovey shit that excites teenagers and adolescents who think all men look like the wonderful spawn of Justin Bieber and Robert Pattinson.

They all want guys who dress and sing like One Direction band members.

They desire guys who shower you with flowers and baby unicorns and only care about Love, emotional feelings and flamboyant poetry.

I am tired of seeing people share shit like this as to how ‘Girls like a boy who hugs from behind’ and ‘Girls like a boy who knows when you’re sad’ and ‘Girls like a boy who has no penis’.

ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT.

I am here to sort it out. This is a post I saw titled ‘Every Girl’s Dream’ and I am here to tell you what a normal guy thinks of this bullshit.

EVERY GIRL’S DREAM

1. Getting kissed in the pouring rain.

This is disgusting. Firstly if you are kissing in rain then there is something wrong because the chances of you getting pneumonia are very high. You can obviously ask someone to hold up an umbrella while you kiss your lover or even wear a raincoat (they are quite cheap) or better yet go someplace quiet and dry.

I think this is just an excuse to claim that you were with a guy and you became wet.

The only reason I would stand in the rain is if I have a full bladder and I want to pee because nobody will notice the tears stream down my thighs.

In fact every guy does not care about kissing but we would love to see women in white shirts kissing in the pouring rain. You give us that and you have completely made sure we enjoy the monsoons.

2. Have that one hot kiss where your pressed against the wall

Firstly it’s You’re.

Secondly I don’t know what is considered as a hot kiss. I mean if someone is pushing you against the wall then mostly they don’t want to kiss you. Mostly it could be a policeman who is turning you around because he wants to handcuff you. At this point of time making out with a policeman is not considered a good way to get out of jail. (have you seen Indian cops? You’d rather get a death sentence than kiss them)

Even if you are kissing someone I don’t know how it is considered ‘hot’ that you are being pushed against a wall. In fact you should check whether the guy is alive and not merely pressing you against the wall because he is dead.

3. Have a guy that thinks you’re the world

Bitch Please.

Look at the world and then look at your face.

Given a chance to explore the world or to spend time with you pushing you against a wall… we would definitely go for the world.

There is so much stuff around the world that is 50 times prettier than you.

I would stare at photos of Mount Everest than a photo of you. pouting while raising two fingers. Honestly the only time he will think you’re the world is if you’re really fat and going round and round.

4. Have a guy that holds on as long as possible when giving hugs

The only reason he is doing that is because your boobs feel great against his chest. This is the closest any guy (even your best friend) will get to pressing your boobs. The reason we hug you guys tighter is not because we missed you, but because we missed that awesome feeling of caressing your chest without you noticing it.

5. A guy that whispers he loves you in your ear

There is nothing stupider than this. If he loves you he will tell you he loves you. He does not need to whisper stuff into your ear. The only time a guy will do that is if he is playing Chinese whispers and he misinterprets ‘Aila View’. Either that or it is your stalker who has finally managed to stand really close to you and synchronize his breath with yours. If he whispers this…you should run.

6. Have that moment where you just gaze into each other’s eyes

Honestly your eyes are pretty. That’s all. We’ll stare for around 3 minutes max.

We are not going to spend an entire hour looking into your eyes because honestly speaking….We’d rather stare at your chest.

7. When you cry, he kisses your tears away.

Ok now this is disgusting. I don’t know which guy kisses tears. I mean to me this guy seems like someone with a severe salt fetish. Think about it. Imagine you lost a friend in an accident and you’re standing over his dead body. I think the last thing you want is a guy standing there whispering shit into your ear and then licking the tears of your face.

Also how the hell do you kiss a tear? If he kisses your tears is he cheating on you with your tears? Think about it. The last thing you want is to walk in and find him naked in bed caressing a bottle of your tears.

8. When you’re not with your guy he’s all that you can think about

That’s bullshit. We all know that. Once again let me clarify. Are you a stalker?

9. Wearing his jacket (or his sweatshirt) and every time you breath in, his scent surrounds u !!

Firstly, HOW TOUGH IS IT TO SPELL OUT ‘YOU’ PROPERLY?

Okay. Now. Why are you wearing his clothes and sniffing them?

This is the female equivalent to a man coming and smelling your panties. It’s gross.

Why the hell would you want to smell like his sweat? You want to smell men. Get into a local train and come out. Not only will you smell like a bunch of men you will also look like you have been standing in the pouring rain.

10. A guy who will watch any movie with you, no matter how teary eyed you may get.

Honestly the only guy who will watch a movie that gets you teary eyed is a guy who has a salt fetish. He also likes making out with tears. Just telling you.

It doesn’t matter how many people you share this with because nobody on Facebook is bothered with your existence. Just remember if you are a stupid girl who believes in this shit then stop because nobody cares.

However if you don’t believe in this…then give me a call.

I like kissing tears.

Thank you.

This is indeed a truly beautiful pick up line that works.

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